Awkward affections
by chibi-excel
Summary: John writes about the evidence he has collected on Sherlock's affections towards him. John POV. Oneshot. Johnlock


**Awkward Affections**

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><p>I have heard time and time again how Sherlock is incapable of affection, sometimes even from the man himself. When discussing things like love and affection Sherlock looks at it in an analytical, apathetic, way. He sees no use in feeling such things that would be a distraction.<p>

Or so he says.

But I know the truth.

For a while I believed what everyone was saying, until something happened. Well, it would actually be inaccurate to say just one thing happened, rather it was a gradual increase in small 'somethings' that made me realize they were all wrong.

First it was a smile here and there that Sherlock would only give me and no one else. Then came random times when Sherlock would play songs he knew I liked on his violin when we were sitting at home wasting time. Neither act was provoked by be, to my knowledge, yet they began to happen more and more frequently.

Then came physical affection, or Sherlock's version of it. Again it was subtle at first, and even now after all this time the acts are still small and simple compared to other people's displays of affection. The beginning was so subtle, in fact, I had not noticed while it was happening. This was physical closeness that Sherlock, and I myself sometimes, would create between us.

When we leave, we leave together. When I leave alone, he will follow most times or watch out the window as long as I am in view.

Arguably that does not really mean anything, but when someone watches Sherlock they realize his normal attachments are never so involved. Of course this is not enough to make you look upon it with any less scrutiny, but rest assured there is more.

As we are all aware, Sherlock has constantly refused dinner invitations from Irene adler. Why would this matter, you ask? Surely refusing her invitations is not a sign of affection to her. Well of course it isn't.

Rather, it is in use to prove my point of how he can hold one person above others. Constantly, even when I have not necessarily wanted it, Sherlock insists on eating with me. Or more accurately, he will simply watch me eat.

More unimportant observations you say? Perhaps the last two are, perhaps I am reading too much into them and simply want to assume they are signs of affection so I can see Sherlock in a more human light. But alas! There is more!

His concern for me whenever I am in danger, which is more concern than anyone else receives from him, is a definite sign of affection no matter how you scrutinize it.

But I am getting carried away, back to the physical evidence. Sherlock, whose views on unnecessary contact I am sure we all know, has taken to occasionally holding my hand. It would be when we were running from something, simply taking a walk in town, or even when we are sitting alone at home.

The first time we were sitting on the couch, watching a news report, when I suddenly felt warmth on my hand looking over, I saw my hand covered by Sherlock's. you would never know how he felt about it though; if he was nervous, relieved I allowed it, or simply as indifferent to the act as he appeared. All I know is that it was a slowly progressing act, gradually increasing in a large amount of time.

Then came the final sign, the sign that put it all together finally. After the night we had first met Moriarty and returned home, he had kissed me.

It was small, only lasting a split second. There was no cupping of my face, no grand romantic gesture noticeable to anyone but a person who knew him. It was him simply asking it I was okay and when he received my positive response, leaning forward and very lightly brushing his lips against mine before pulling away and heading to his room, bidding me goodnight.

I had assumed it was a mistake, since it did not happen again for a long while. Gladly I was wrong and he in fact did it again. Looking back I can find nothing I could possibly have done to provoke it, yet it still occurred. As I was readying myself for bed, he came to me and gave me a simple kiss. It was a longer one, which did not take much.

Now they happen a lot, initiated by each of us at different times. Every kiss is a varying degree of simple, at least in someone else's eyes. There is no snogging or even kisses filled with such passion that they leave you breathless. Despite this, no matter how simple they appear, they are the greatest kisses I have received.

Do you still believe he is incapable of affection? Of love? I would hope not. Sherlock, however, still has his own special denial. To others he will repeat his old views on such things, and even when we are alone he still evades the admission I secretly long to hear.

I suppose I do not have a leg to stand on in this issue though, while I love Sherlock I still consider myself a straight man. We each have our own views on this relationship, or whatever it is, but it doesn't change the fact we feel something, even though Sherlock constantly refuses to admit it.

When I ask him of the kissing, he will look at me with an air of arrogance and say 'It is elementary my dear Watson. I want to kiss you and so I do.' Every time he says this, he sees the same exasperated look on my face and adds 'You want a better explanation don't you?' And every time he adds that, I reply with an annoyed 'No shit Sherlock.'

He knows I want to hear it, but refuses to say it. I don't mind in all honesty though, because there is nothing I want more than to have Sherlock around and receive all of his awkward affections.

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><p>AN:Someone asked me to write a Sherlock Fanfic...which I'm still uneasy about...the actual show is such perfection I know I can't do it justice lD But nonetheless here it is. I had no idea for a plot other than I wanted it to be about Sherlock's awkwardness and I wanted 'it's elementary my dear watson' and 'no shit sherlock' in it. I must admit, I could never write M for these two. I see Sherlock as someone who doesn't really need that kind of stuff. Their bond is far more than just a physical, and I find reducing it to crazy monkey sex, while fun to read and write, would insult their relationship. That's just me though. Opps...rambling. Soooo here is my fail. Enjoy.


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